I think I just saw someone hide a body.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
