I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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