My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
