Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
