the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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