Four minutes until I can fart!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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