Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
