He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize