Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
