I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
