Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
