Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
