I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
