Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
