Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
