your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
