Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
