if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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