Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
