Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
