I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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