I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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