matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
