At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
