Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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