I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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