can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
