You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
