we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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