we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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