sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so let's talk penis.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
