i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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