i was born a porn star she said
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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