Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
