At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
