saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
