im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
