susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
