she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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