i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
