I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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