Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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