went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if only i could text you this smell
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
