apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
