that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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