Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
