Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
