I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
