i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
