My room smells like vodka and shame
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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