non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
