Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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