I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
