420 ftw
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
