So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
