There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
