i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
