i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
