I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
barbara walters just said penis...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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