if you like me you must not know who I am
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
