he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
