that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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