The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
