It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i have two assholes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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