Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize