Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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